That implies that it was not yours to begin with - that you had to "ask for and receive permission" to become empowered.  The truth is that each of us are inherently powerful - whether or not we know it and choose to act accordingly!  

We are responsible for our own actions and reactions - whether or not we realize it.  No one can give us power or responsibility, or force us into it.  Like the child learning how to walk or talk, we must tap into our own power and courage, on our own terms.  A parent can't really "teach" a baby to walk before he's ready...and they'd have even less success "teaching" a baby to WANT to walk.  

You won't have much success seeking empowerment because someone else told us we ought to, or told us we had the option to.  We've had the option all along - all that remains is the conscious choice to take hold of it - to step forward, and own our power fully.  

The kind of empowerment I speak of is self-empowerment.  I don't want you to depend on someone else to tell you how to think/do/be - I want to help you find your own power, to give you tools to tap into your own confidence and inner knowing.  In this way, you activate the inherent power you held within you all along, and are able to use it to your benefit.    

I can't empower you - and neither can anyone or anything else.  Only you can realize your own true nature as a powerful being!

I can offer you a crude map, plus loads of support and encouragement - but the journey is yours alone.  

So what do I mean, when I talk about birth empowerment?

To me, birth empowerment is the notion that childbirth matters--that women's feelings and perceptions of the birth process matter, and that conscious choice should play a key role in helping women give birth in a way that they feel good about.

Women should have the right to freely make informed choices about their bodies, births, and babies - this shouldn't be a radical idea, but sadly, for many women, it's far from what they expect.  

Too often in our society, we find ourselves submitting to the recommendations of medical professionals who are trained to deal with pathology instead of normal birth.

It's time for all that to change.


Women can feel empowered no matter where or how they give birth - this is NOT a concept that's limited to low-risk pregnancies or freebirths on the beach...  

Any birth in which the mother is supported in making her own informed choices about the care of her body and baby can feel empowering. 

The Birth Empowerment Course uses my unique, original curriculum designed to help mothers lose their fears about birth and discover their own path toward conscious choice, freedom, and self-empowerment. 

Own your choices, empower yourSelf.  No one else can do it for you!  

Wishing you a beautiful, conscious birth.

--Krystal

I was only 18 when I had my firstborn.  If I could have gotten a tubal ligation at that point, I really might have done so...but gosh, what a different life I'd be leading, and what a different "me" there would be.

At risk of sounding too romantic - or too analytic! - I believe that having and raising children profoundly shapes and defines you, not only as a a parent, but as a person.  From pregnancy and birth to the teen years and beyond, the relationships you form and develop with your children are some of the most powerful and potentially transformational bonds known to humankind.  

Motherhood can be the most intense personal growth journey of our lives - yet we don't even realize what we're embarking upon when we commit to it...

One thing that many women are not prepared for is the strange and powerful mix of emotions that may surface, often unexpectedly, when we decide not to have any more children.  

No matter how logical or sound our reasoning, no matter how much we may be SURE about it - it's actually very common to have strong and complicated if not heart-wrenching feelings about "being done".

Many times, for a wide variance of reasons, women feel that they didn't have much of a choice. Perhaps health complications preclude them from handling another pregnancy well, or maybe they are experiencing secondary infertility.  From finances to career plans, relationships and so much more - we may feel boxed in by circumstances largely beyond our control.  Or, perhaps the choice to be done is very much welcomed, preferred, well-thought-out and anticipated gladly.

Either way, there may be the faintest twinge of "wait....not yet...." or "what if....." in the back of your mind once the decision is made!

~*~*~*~

For example - if you would have told me, after my first baby was born, that I would go on to have FOUR more, I would have told you you were nuts.  Absolutely bonkers.  I really didn't like being pregnant, and I was more than a little afraid about how I would ever be able to handle one MORE child - whether it was the second one or the fifth.  

I even tried to get a tubal ligation after my fourth baby - and I do mean *tried*!  I felt like the whole universe was conspiring against me to not get that procedure done...and in the end, I decided it must be happening that way for a reason.  The hospital lost my records, un-scheduled my appointment, told me my insurance was the "wrong sort", gave me the run-around repeatedly, etc.  

At the time I was really frustrated and angry, because I really wanted to BE DONE.  Of course, about a year later, I found mySelf pregnant one more time....and it was, emotionally, my roughest pregnancy of all.  At that point, I was desperate for anything that would help me to get through the day-to-day, let alone look toward the future - and that's when I was so blessed to really discover the healing power and potential of the Bach flower essences.  I highly recommend them for anyone going through emotional trauma or hardship...

Of course, NOW - I couldn't imagine not having my fifth child - nor the amazing experience that was his birth.  Incredible, how that all unfolded, when I think back on it.  Each one of my children are unique, incredible beings, and I feel so grateful to be able to collaborate with them in this splendid game of life, love, and living!

~*~*~*~

Sometimes you hear that you'll "just know it" when you're DONE.  Your family will feel complete.  Whether that's after a gaggle of children or just one, you will have an intuitive, deep awareness that That's All For Me!  Regardless of social pressures or expectations, you will feel guided to follow your heart and do so joyfully, without regret.  Leonie Dawson wrote an eloquent piece on this feeling when she described "being done" after having her one precious child.  

For other women, there may be a feeling of sadness that comes with the decision to be done...  In my case, the decision to be done was also a physical change - finally getting my tubes tied.  Physically, I am not that aware of any major changes - and I am aware that not all women are so fortunate after such a procedure.  My body still mostly behaves the same as it did when I held fertile ground for new life to spark into existence....yet somehow, deep down in the corners of my mind...

This is raw, vulnerable, and utterly nonsensical - but:

For me, right now - the awareness that I no longer can conceive a child...sometimes...just sometimes...registers as painful.  

I know that it's illogical - but so many feelings DO defy logic, yet still need to be FELT.  

I KNOW my family is complete.  Yet still....especially when I was still recently postpartum and hormonal, I unearthed feelings that told me there once was a concept of wholeness or integrity about my human body, imperfect as it is....but now that's been forever modified.  Not only the natural dynamics that come into play between the biological and energetic shifting from Maiden to Mother - for those changes, I can embrace more easily than an impersonal medical procedure - designed to thwart nature from expressing its divine creative force through me.  

It is very common for mothers to struggle with accepting the physical changes that pregnancy and childbirth bring.  It can be a long and bumpy road from the cultural messages defining the female body to a mental and emotional place where you feel comfortable and at peace with your physical form - "tiger stripes" and all.  

Interestingly, the shifting aesthetic of my five-times-post-childbirth body did not impact my self-esteem as much as the loss of my fertility--even though it was voluntary...even though it was a visually and physically imperceptible change.  

~*~*~*~

I am spilling over with gratitude and love for the family I have, and I do not have any regrets....

BUT:

I must not deny, suppress, or banish my feelings, or pretend they're not there.  They are valid, however illogical, messy, complex or confusing to anyone in our lives...including ourSelves.

A truly peaceful existence is one in which all parts of ourSelves are integrated, acknowledged, and held without judgment, fear or shame.  Simply allowing ourSelves to slip beneath the surface of our socially conditioned personas and wholly FEEL the truth of our emotions is an excellent way to integrate those parts of us that don't "make sense", that confuse us, or perhaps even make us afraid.  

Meditation is an excellent way to try this.  It doesn't have to be anything fancy - simply sitting outside and listening to the birds sing or the breeze blowing for ten minutes with the intention to clear your mind is enough.  You can also try any of the free guided meditations on my website - they are easily accessed from a smartphone and can be used with earbuds for best effect.

Many people seem almost afraid of unearthing their true feelings - even to themSelves, in the sanctity of their own mind.  Make no mistake - this sort of self-denial and repression is deeply unhealthy, and can cause severe damage to one's body and mind in the long run.  It's vitally important to understand that we don't have to act upon any feeling if we choose not to.  

The simple act of acknowledging our feelings - sitting in the presence of the whole truth of ourSelf, in all its incongruent, splotchy glory - is deeply impactful, positive, and healing.  

Sometimes the most profound, vast changes can happen in the space inside our own minds - and often, those are the ones that matter most.

...producing enough milk:

"Baby seems to cry so often, and she nearly always takes the breast when offered - clearly she must be starving!"

Another common concern I hear from mothers of slightly older babies and toddlers is that they feel "tied to the couch" - especially if they're nursing.

 They complain that they can't get anything done because baby needs so much focused attention, cries if he's put down, won't play by himself or "self-soothe", etc.  

In my opinion, there is one simple, healthy, and mutually beneficial way to address these sorts of problems:

Babywearing!

In primitive cultures, they say there is "no such thing" as a baby - there is a baby and someone else.  Babies and toddlers are ubiquitous BUT they're never the center of attention. They are in constant contact with their caregiver (most often their mother) because they are "worn" in soft slings or carriers.  Baby is positioned in such a way as to make nursing easy for him and effortless for mama. 

In our culture, by contrast, mothering a baby or young toddler is viewed as a very active task, requiring lots of exclusive attention and focus. We seem to fear "spoiling" our babies, and strive to make them independent, and so we spend lots of time, effort, and even money on ways to put the baby down. 

One of the central goals of new motherhood seems to be separation, independence... 

Yet the innate biological wisdom of babies causes them to rebel against separation. Babies seem like they always want to be held because they're supposed to be close to their mothers. 

Babies have a biological expectation to be in continuous, close contact with their mother, their sole source of nourishment, safety, and comfort. The very survival of our species depended on precisely this sort of deeply connected mother-baby relationship from the dawn of humanity--until recently!

We may have the technology and the affluence to "not have to" hold our babies all the time or feed them with our breasts, but our babies aren't aware of this. 

Often starting in the first minutes after they're born, human babies will turn toward their mother's voice and root for the breast. They will latch on, sometimes with difficulty - but always expecting nourishment, warmth, loving arms and soothing tones. It is their birthright, and while they cannot tell us this in words, they are very aware of it. 

Babies don't expect the closeness and comfort of the womb to cease abruptly at the moment of birth. 

Think of how intimately inseparable we are from our babies during pregnancy... We care for them passively, without any monumental conscious effort of how to grow a new life inside us. The closeness is nourishment enough, it seems. 

This need for intimacy cannot be met by any combination of baby-teaching DVDs, light-up talking toys, bouncy seats, cradle swings, molded plastic pacifiers or breast-shaped bottles. That's not to say that any of these things are inherently bad - but they are no substitute for the closeness and warmth of a baby's own mother.

Babies cry to tell us what they need - and closeness, warmth, and frequent nursing sessions for both comfort and nourishment are all legitimate, optimal needs of human babies in the first year and beyond. 

Babies almost always cry when they find themselves alone in a crib, carseat, or carrier--because evolutionarily speaking, the human baby who was left alone for long periods of time didn't have much chance of survival to pass on his or her genetics. 

Of course this isn't much of a problem anymore, because thanks to modern living and technology, we've figured out relatively safe ways of separating mothers and babies for longer periods of time. However, just because we know there isn't a sabre-toothed tiger waiting to snatch up our baby when we leave him alone - doesn't mean that that biologically driven, legitimate fear of being alone goes away in our baby's psyche!

Instead of using our modern ingenuity to devise ways of separating from our babies, and then feeling frustrated when they resist the separation - why not find ways to honor their biological and emotional needs while meeting our own needs as well?

With the proper carrier for your body and preferences, and a bit of skill mastery, you can nurse a baby of any age while at the same time cooking dinner, going grocery shopping, playing at the park with your older children, working on an important presentation for work or school, or many other things. 

Instead of being needy and clingy, a baby who is always worn in a carrier feels content and safe. Babies who are worn often speak earlier and have a greater interest in the world around them, because they're seeing it from the firsthand, active perspective of an adult, instead of being relegated to the bouncy chair - or worse, made into the adult's center of attention himself. 

We say that we value indepedence in our culture - but the elusive truth is that independence must be taken for oneself, not given to someone else. Giving independence as a "gift" feels like being pushed away, and actually creates more dependence then there was to begin with. 

Honoring a baby's and young child's needs for closeness and intimacy will give him a firm foundation of security and confidence, which will help him to choose more independent behavior when he's ready - instead of when others think he ought to be ready.

So while babywearing is indeed an excellent solution for the question of how to get anything done while caring for and nursing baby - it's also so much more than that...!

A quality baby carrier is one of my most essential baby items - second only to diapers and a carseat. If you don't already wear your baby, please get a carrier ASAP and start! Our local cloth diaper store, Mami's & Papi's, has many lovely carriers that they will help you to choose and adjust properly - and you can even learn how to discreetly + easily nurse in almost any of them by signing up for my Breastfeeding Without Fear class, held monthly. 

If you're still expecting, make sure you've got a great newborn carrier (the Baby K'Tan is excellent, and available for purchase in my Birth Shop) before baby comes - you can start babywearing immediately postpartum, and it's actually very beneficial for both you and your baby to get an early start. 

Babywearing is so much more than just a convenience - I would even say that it shifts our entire experience of mothering, by deepening and encouraging the incredible bond we share with our babies. 

I haven't actually met her in person - but I feel like we'd be such wonderful friends once we did.  I talk about her as if we're old friends already.  

Who knows--we might be someday!  :-)  Anything is possible.

I've watched so many of Leonie's inspirational, helpful videos, filmed from the branches of her former "office", a huge old tree in the park.  I've read many of her deeply moving blog posts, and relished the three-part story of her daughter's epic birth.  

So who exactly is Leonie Dawson?  She's a mentor to women wanting to create + grow massively successful and heart-centered creative + soulful businesses. She is also an author, retreat leader, visual artist, mama and guide for the tens of thousands who receive her free “SHINE IN YOUR LIFE + BIZ” ezine each week.

Purposeful, passionate & unendingly prolific, Leonie published her first book at 22, held her first solo art exhibition at 23, began leading women’s circles the same year, created her first retreat at 25, launched the Goddess Circle — a subscription-based women’s art, soul + biz community — at 27, and has guided thousands of women through transformational experiences over the past 3 years.

 
Leonie's also released 5 e-courses — including her signature workshop for entrepreneurs, Become A Business Goddess program — 4 meditation kits (including one on Releasing Your Fears and one on Chakra Healing!) plus 2 workbooks into the digital ether.

Leonie is an incredible light in the world--and she might be able to offer you just precisely the sort of thing you need.  

Leonie just might be singing the same tune you didn't even realize your spirit has been humming quietly for ages...while secretly longing for harmony.

You just can't help but love Leonie - it's so clear that she is just a fountain of LOVE and GRATITUDE in the world. 

If Leonie's message and work resonate with you, you should definitely snap up a copy of her 2013 Create Your Incredible Year workbook, planner & calendar.  Used by entrepreneurs, artists, mamas, creatives, coaches, teachers and women of all ages, the Creating Your Incredible Year workbooks are filled with dozens of pages of powerful worksheets & a printable calendar to help you create your amazing new year.  

Empowerment is about believing that you deserve the things you want, and going after them with gusto.  Leonie absolutely embodies this message - she lives + breathes empowerment.

Leonie's amazing energy and presence comes through so clearly and beautifully through her artwork and writing....just look:

Just look at all the beautiful colors and vibrant artwork - this kind of stuff is emblazoned over every page!  It's just waiting for you to add your own heartfelt words and plans throughout.

The 2013 Create Your Incredible Year Workbook + Planner is simply the BEST planning tool available to help you make this year your most exceptional year yet!

Get a head start on the incredible JOY & ABUNDANCE that's waiting for you in the new year!  


This is an absolute steal at under $10...

Don't you deserve empowerment, beauty, joy and more?? 

I hope you love Leonie Dawson as much as I do - she is such a dynamic, incredible inspiration to me, and I really believe the world is a better place thanks to people like her living in it!  

Later I decided that must have been implantation bleeding.  I finally took a pregnancy test at the end of March, and I cried a lot in the beginning.  

Working with all the data we could collect, we figured that my due date could be October 26th at the earliest or November 11th at the latest.  Basically a two-week window.  We went with the latest date, since I tend to have overdue babies (having once had a 43-week pregnancy), and assumed I’d go in for an ultrasound if I ended up making it to the end of that two-week window.

To say I was having trouble integrating the idea of another pregnancy, another baby, would be an understatement.  I had been looking for work.  The plan was that I would work while my husband finally got to finish school; find another, better job–something.  Also, and just as important–I knew that I had a lot of unfinished business to deal with mentally and emotionally, because of my traumatic third birth.  Even though I went on to have a perfectly lovely homebirth with my 4th baby, 2.5 years later, I didn’t feel like I’d processed what had happened to me prior to that.  My third birth was intended to be a freebirth, but turned into a hospital nightmare at the last moment.  As time went on with this pregnancy, I knew I couldn’t “just” have another homebirth with the same midwives in attendance.  I had to face my pain and fear, and try to reclaim some of what had been taken from me with my 3rd birth experience.

Luckily, my henna artwork puts me in touch with a large number of people.  As I became closer with several midwives, doulas, and birth specialists in the area, I realized with delight that I’d found a tribe of women who felt similarly–and strongly–about birth empowerment, and freedom.  Several of these women were very positive and supportive of freebirthing, and said that if I wanted them to come to my birth, they were happy to be there in whatever capacity I wanted or needed at the time.  This felt like a wonderful balance–so we agreed that I might call any or all of them if I felt like I needed friendly support, midwifery assistance, or anything in between.

As for the actual pregnancy, I started showing early.  Then I was measuring ahead, even though I wasn’t gaining a lot of weight.  We started joking about twins, and then thought about it more seriously as I approached 30+ weeks.

My birthy friends palpated me and listened for double heart tones, and eventually we all decided that nope, it was just “a lot of baby” in there–and perhaps some extra fluid.  Also, I was carrying this baby anterior as opposed to posterior (facing forward)–the first anterior baby out of all my pregnancies, so it stood to reason that I’d look larger.


As usual, I started having prodromal labor pretty regularly in late September–quite a ways off from my “due window”.  I should have known that it was just “fake labor”, but every time it gets more convincing, and I was already tired of being pregnant!  In all, I had at least six “false starts”–in other words, times where I was really convinced it was real labor, only to have it fizzle out hours–or even a day or more–later.  I was dilating long before actual labor started–the last week and a half of pregnancy I was actually dilated to seven centimeters (yes it’s possible–especially in “grand multiparas”–women with 4 or more prior pregnancies)–and very impatient by then!  I had had bloody show multiple times, and even took castor oil twice, but to no avail.

I was also very hopeful and expectant of having an 11/11/11 baby, since that was at the latest end of my “due window”, and would be such a cool, spiritually significant birthday.  I was convinced I was in labor on the 10th, and well into the 11th, but then it fizzled out again, and I was really discouraged.  On top of it all, my “baby’s” 2nd birthday was coming up that week, and I was really upset to be “still pregnant” on his birthday!

During ALL of this waiting and wondering, I was so grateful to be free of the feeling of being a watched pot; having to submit to unnecessary, fear-driven procedures; or worse–being perceived as a threat to some care provider’s comfort (or convenience!) level.  I also allowed myself to go back and really think about my 3rd baby’s traumatic birth experience over these long weeks and months of waiting.  I finally let myself relive that experience, and I was able to write down her birth story for the first time.  It was incredibly healing and, I think, very necessary in killing those “paper tigers” that may have interfered with my having a peaceful birth this time instead of a fear-filled one.  I never doubted my decision to freebirth throughout this entire pregnancy.

Finally, finally, on the 17th, I was having my usual rounds of “annoying fake labor”, but somehow, my mental state was a bit different, a bit more balanced and calm.  I went to the grocery store and had to deal with some heavy contractions there due to the walking.  I’m sure people were staring at me–I didn’t even have to ask for help out at the register, the staff were on it!  That evening the contractions were not as bad–at times barely there–and I was still feeling oddly zen and calm.  At this point, I knew that castor oil had only a very mild effect on me, but I did think I could use a clean-out–so I took a very small amount, perhaps half an ounce, and continued to go about the evening.  We had fallen into a pattern of staying up late after the kids were in bed, so it wasn’t unusual for me to be reading or on FaceBook at 2 or 3am–which I was.

I think around 3, we decided to go lay down–my hubby to sleep (for what he later said he knew would be a power nap!), and me to read.  I’d been reading Starhawk’s The Earth Path, alternating with John Taylor Gatto’s The Underground History of American Education–both intellectual, non-fiction books that could effectively take my mind off whatever it was trying to obsess about in a given moment.  So I read, and dealt with contractions here and there by following the labyrinth pattern of a Celtic snake mandala on my wall, still not at all convinced it was labor–or if it was, that I had many hours if not an entire day ahead of me.  However, around 4 or 4:30, my husband woke up as if is alarm had summoned him, and started asking how I was feeling, organizing things around the room, etc.  I was a little surprised he wasn’t sleeping, and just assumed he was having insomnia–I kept reading.  After a bit, he asked if he could do anything for me, noticing that I was having to pause and breathe thru contractions here and there.  (Which had happened before during “fake labor”, so I still wasn’t thinking anything was different!)  I thought a moment, and said I wanted to take a bath.  He ran a bath for me, and hung out in the bathroom with me as I soaked in the tub.

Very quickly–maybe before I got in the water–things picked up in intensity.  I sat in the bath for about thirty minutes or so, and eventually I was vocalizing thru contractions.  Looking back at my last birth, I must have been tense, because I found myself having to yell through contractions for quite awhile–getting louder and higher-pitched, and having to be reminded to breathe and change my tone–keeping it low–to relax.  There was none of that this time–I was able to breathe and “ohhhh” and sigh my way through contractions.  At the time, I thought it meant I wasn’t that far along–but now I realize I was just in a much better mental state, and so was managing the sensations with more calmness.

Suddenly I decided I’d had enough of the water, and again, upon standing, things got even more intense.  My legs were shaking, and I could barely get wrapped up in a towel and back onto our bed, even with my husband’s help.  My body didn’t quit shaking for a few minutes, and as I was sitting on the bed, my husband asked if I wanted to call anyone.  I responded from “labor land” with a panicked, wild-eyed NO!  At this point, I knew that the act of calling someone and trying to explain or label the moment we were in would just derail the energy.  I started saying things like “No, no, no more….I don’t wanna do this anymore,” and “I just wanna go to sleep,” and then laughing with my husband in between contractions, because I knew how absurd I must have sounded and looked.  I kept reaching down, hoping to feel the effects of pressure that signaled that birth was imminent, but still mostly expecting this to be another “fake labor” that would soon end (!)

I think it was at this point that our two-year old woke up and wanted to see what we were up to, which made things a bit stressful for my husband–but I was only scarcely aware of anyone’s presence or absence at this point.  After handling about five contractions with the whining and shaking, I reached a momentary peak-point of panic–I grabbed my husband and looked at him wildly, saying “I’ve got to get a hold of myself!” or something to that effect.  He said something like, “Yes, just calm down, breathe–you are in control of your body”, and in that instant, I was.  The shakes stopped and I was able to take a deep breath and found myself back in a place of calm, heightened awareness.

He left the room for a moment, and this time, when I reached down, I could feel something that was definitely “not me”–it was the bag of waters bulging from within!  You have no idea of the relief and gratitude I felt in that moment–finally, something that proved I WAS in labor–this was it!  When he came back in the room, I clumsily explained that the waters were bulging, with a huge, blissful grin on my face.  I think it was around 5:45 or 6am at this point.

Another contraction with me in a squatting position, and the bag of waters practically exploded all over the bed–really forcefully!  They were clear, with small speckles of something that looked like vernix–I remember noticing that, because I was supposedly 41 weeks at the very earliest, and you don’t see vernix with post-dates pregnancies.  I only had a second to have that thought before I was absolutely consumed by the next contraction–I threw myself forward into a hands-and-knees position, and before I knew it, my body was pushing.

It was wonderful, without anyone to tell me to push or to assess my dilation, because the obvious thing to do was to just listen to my body and follow its cues.  I didn’t really push until I could feel the pressure of the head at the rim–instead I breathed and sighed and allowed the baby to move through me.  Instead of feeling this frantic, crazed need to “get the baby out of me!”, I felt that I needed to take it slowly and cautiously.  I felt the baby’s head as it put pressure all around, and I intuitively put my hand up to use gentle counter-pressure at the site of an old tear, concerned about it worsening.  I laughed inwardly as the absurd thought crossed my mind:  What if baby turned breech at the last moment, and hubby’s not telling me–because this baby feels HUGE!

My husband watched and helped from behind, making sure baby’s head came out gently and carefully.  AT this point I breathed a huge sigh of relief, but my husband encouraged me to keep going, that I still had to get the body out.  He’s excellent at knowing what to say without worrying me.  Later he explained that he was concerned that baby needed to get out quickly, because he had already started trying to breathe, but the pressure on his body from not being fully birthed yet was giving him trouble.  Another moment or two, and baby was born safely into Daddy’s hands!

Since I was on my hands and knees, baby and husband were both behind me.  I looked down between my knees and the first thing I saw was a pair of balls–”It’s a boy!”  I exclaimed!  Again, my husband knew just what to NOT say–nothing can compare to that feeling of seeing for yourself the gender of the child you just birthed into the world.  He gave me that joy instead of telling me before I saw–what an incredible moment!

I felt so incredibly blissful, empowered, healed, validated–I’d finally had the birth I always wanted–the birth that I scarcely believed was possible to have, especially after my 3rd birth.  The time was 6:20am–less than an hour after I finally decided it was really labor!

Hubby woke up the other kids, and we decided that now was the time to call someone!  It occurred to me that it’d be really great to have a midwive’s assessment of my bottom.  Even though we hadn’t weighed him, we both agreed that this was a really big boy, and I didn’t really know if I’d torn or not.   I called my friend Olivia, who came right over to check me, and we all happily chatted about our incredible birth experience!

As we talked, baby nursed, and let go of several large poos before we had a chance to weigh him.  He was 10lbs 14oz–over three pounds bigger than any of my other babies–and this was after the poo!  Then Olivia checked me, and to my delight, I didn’t have any damage that needed stitches–which was even more impressive considering I’d needed stitches with my last baby, barely an 8-pounder!  It really goes to show that your emotional state directly influences the capabilities of your body–even in moment-by-moment situations like childbirth.  Also, Olivia and I agreed that due to the vernix all over him, and other telltale signs of gestational age, that this baby was most likely a 39-weeker!  Certainly not even a day overdue–despite my crazy dates.  (Good thing he didn’t go overdue, or he would have been bigger!)

We didn’t cut the cord until over two hours had passed, so that baby could get all the benefits of the placental and cord blood before they disconnected.  I love the concept of lotus birth (leaving placenta and baby attached until they gently and naturally disconnect, anywhere from 2-10 days after the birth); however, the health benefits of placenta encapsulation were too great for me to pass up.  Placenta helps tremendously with postpartum bleeding, increasing your milk supply, and keeping postpartum depression at bay–and all three of these are things I’ve struggled with in the past.  So, we compromised with a partial lotus birth.  Olivia had sterile scissors, and we chose a piece of embroidery floss to tie off the cord (white, cold and limp at this point), and she cut it for us.  Neither of us wanted to do it!

For most of the pregnancy, we felt like baby was a girl, so we had several names picked out:  Delilah or Natalie, Emma or Catherine…but not really any boy names!  We had considered Oliver for our last baby, but hubby said he didn’t like it.  However, he immediately brought up Oliver for this baby, saying that our last one didn’t look like an Oliver, but this one did!  He has dark hair and olive skin, like my side of the family–quite different from our other tow-headed kids.  We finally decided on Oliver, with my maiden name as his middle name–honoring my family, since the family name won’t be carried on further.

This birth story was difficult to put into words, because so much more than can be described in words went into it.  It’s also not really a complete story without the consideration of my third birth to highlight the significance of this experience.  I feel so incredibly blessed, fortunate, and empowered–in love with my amazing husband and all of my beautiful children, in awe of my incredibly supportive friends, and filled with gratitude to be experiencing the dynamic energy of this moment with those dearest to me.

Love ~ Peace ~ Power ~ Oneness ~ Trust

Welcome to the world, Oliver!

November 18th, 2011

6:20am

10lbs 14oz

20.5 inches long

You might be feeling like you're stuck on a treadmill or hamster wheel, running through the same thoughts and feelings--and ultimately this pattern will be likely to result in a manifestation of those very fears and worries. 

Strong feelings, whether positive or negative, are like a magnet, pulling experiences toward us that will result in an increase of those feelings in our lives--bringing us more of the same. Think of your feelings like a beacon or radio signal, attracting experiences, people, and situations that are in alignment with your "signal". 

We can't change the past, but we can change the way we think about it. 

If you had a prior birth experience that you perceived as negative, try to look for anything positive about it. Turn around your perception and find what there might be to feel gratitude or love--any emotion that uplifts you instead of brings you down.

Perhaps your partner was not as supportive as you would have liked. Now, (instead of trying to change their reaction--since we know that truly we can't change others, only ourselves) you can feel gratitude for the knowledge of how he or she will react to you during labor, and plan accordingly (try enlisting a doula!). 

Maybe you wanted an epidural but your birth was so fast it never took effect. You can choose to feel empowered that you actually experienced the full force of childbirth (or even moreso, if you had pitocin or an induction!) without pain medication!

Perhaps you feel that you were bullied into unnecessary interventions by your care providers. I certainly felt this way after my third birth. I let that feeling cripple me and even undermine my self-worthh for awhile--too long. But in the end, that feeling fueled my passion, my determination, to fight for a better birth experience next time. It lit a fire inside me to learn all I could about birth, about why birth is the way it is in modern America, and about what women can do to advocate for themSelves and their babies.

I am very thankful for my negative experiences surrounding birth--because that darkness gave contrast to what I knew birth could be like instead. 

Don't let your fears of the past define your NOW. Use the power of gratitude to transform your pain and fear into empowerment for the future!

Just considering the first things that come to mind during a focused meditation may be useful.  Similarly, if we feel any tension in a particular body part, or our awareness is brought to a particular body part, that could give us another clue.  Our body and our intuition often work together to provide us with the answers we seek, if we will only stop to listen consciously.

Emotional blockages are common, but if left un-addressed, they may hold us back from truly embracing the possibility of an empowered, fully conscious birth experience in the future. 

Grab a piece of paper, watch, and enjoy!

And, please don't hesitate to share this video if you found it helpful!

For example, using essential oils during labor and birth is a simple and effective way of alleviating all sorts of common discomforts and issues. This goes beyond just "aromatherapy", as some of these oils are used topically and even internally to bring about balance and healing. 

Here is a list of some of the most common essential oils for pregnancy and/or childbirth:


Peppermint oil, dabbed on a cotton ball and sniffed while on the toilet can encourage a tense postpartum bladder to release. It's also a quick cure for migraines, diluted in carrier oil and dabbed lightly on the temples. (not too much or your skin will hurt!)

• Clary Sage essential oil is calming and clears negative emotions. It's also widely recognized as being able to induce or sustain a healthy pattern of contractions. (So DON'T use Clary Sage unless you're full-term!) This oil can be used in a candle or electric diffuser, or rubbed directly on the belly in a carrier/massage oil.
• Arnica essential oil helps with bruising and increases blood circulation. This is a good oil to apply topically in a carrier oil to relieve the tension and pain of contractions (particularly Braxton-Hicks, which can be exhausting before they become effective!) I used a belly oil infused with Neroli and Lavender--and then added Clary Sage and Arnica in my last month of pregnancy. This blend not only moisturized my skin and reduced stretch marks, but was helpful in a variety of theraputic ways.
• Neroli is a sweet, feminine scent which is especially helpful in infusing calm & confidence, battling insomnia, and chasing away fears. This is the quintessential childbirth oil and is one of the ingredients in my Labor Calm spray!
• Lavender oil's beneficial properties are some of the most widely known. Used for treating headaches & depression, disinfecting cuts and abrasions, and achieving deep relaxation in the bath, lavender oil is something no home should be without! You can use this in a diffuser, in a massage oil for pain relief, and even directly in the bath. (However, if you're planning a waterbirth, don't put lavender or any other essential oil in THAT water--it can badly damage baby's eyes!)
• Roman Chamomile is known for soothing and reducing pain and inflammation in the body--especially fear- or stress-based pain. The oil can be used in a diffuser or in a carrier as massage oil. You can even use one drop of Roman Chamomile essential oil in a cup of warm water in place of chamomile tea!
• Rose, Frankincense, Myrrh, and Jasmine are other helpful oils that are well suited to childbirth, and prized for their relaxing and uplifting properties.
• Any of the citrus oils can be useful in battling depression.

Use your intuition as a guide when choosing oils, as well as your sense of smell. Not all oils appeal to everyone. Bring a pack of coffee grounds to clear your palate when shopping for essential oils by scent, and sniff it in between every two or three oils. The coffee has a clearing and grounding effect on your sense of smell. Also, shop slowly--! Don't get overwhelmed by the scents--too much at one time (or sniffing a bottle directly) can easily make you feel queasy. 

Some oils are much more expensive than others--but keep in mind they are used in small quantities at any one time. Neroli is one that's particularly pricey, but well worth it for childbirth. If the price on any oil is too good to be true, check a few things: are they natural, non-diluted, essential oils? Synthetic oils are not recommended as they don't have the beneficial plant properties that essential oils do, and they might also contain harmful toxins. 

If you want a pre-blended essential oil combination, check out my brand-new product, Labor Calm! It's in a convenient spray bottle that you can bring and use anywhere. You can mist a room with it, use it as body spray, etc. It contains my own expert blend of natural, safe and effective essential oils, Bach Flower Remedies, and gem essences to help you balance body, mind and spirit and attain your best birth experience. Available in one- and four-ounce bottles, and ready to ship or be picked up locally. 

Order Labor Calm now!

The local version of my exclusive Birth Empowerment Course will start again Feburary 1st!  Maybe you've read the course description and activities, but you're still wondering if the course will be a good fit for you.    

This info will cover this and all future sessions of my Birth Empowerment Course, both locally and online.  In other words, if anything changes, I will update it here.  For info on my other classes, Mothering in Conscious Choice and Breastfeeding Without Fear, please click those links!

I am so excited to be able to share this course with you all!  

Hopefully this blog post will answer some of your burning questions!

Is your course only for women planning a natural birth?  The unique thing about birth empowerment is that it's a deeply helpful and supportive concept for any expectant mama, no matter her plan for birth.  Sometimes interventions are necessary or unavoidable, and there's no guarantees that birth will unfold in the ways that you hope.  Empowerment has to do with knowing your rights; understanding what's happening and why; and being able to shift your perspective and your response away from resistance and fear, toward acceptance and love.  

I'm not using the term acceptance here as if you were a doormat, passively getting trodden on and stifling your emotional reaction--not at all.  Here, acceptance means evaluating the risks and benefits of a particular course of action, and making an educated decision about what you're going to do.  Sometimes in life, we don't like any of the choices we're presented with--but resisting them all doesn't help you.  Not making a choice is still "making a choice"--because being passive will not absolve you of responsibility for your choices.  Even if you abdicate the choices to your care providers, choices are still being made that affect you and your baby.  Fear of making the wrong choice shouldn't prevent you from taking an active role in your own care.  

A surgical birth CAN be an empowered experience, and it's also possible that a home birth can feel out-of-control and scary.  I have had natural childbirths with all of my five, but I've also been a labor support person for a surgical birth, and of course I recognize and honor that birth can be beautiful and empowering in any form.

Is the course only for pregnant women?  While a large part of the content is going to be focused on self-care and labor, it would also be very beneficial for anyone who has experienced a prior birth that was traumatic, painful, etc.  The things we discuss will help clear negative emotions and get rid of mental/emotional blocks that may still be affecting the way you view your body, or even your role as a mother.  

The course will also be an excellent experience for anyone who works with pregnant women on a regular basis--doulas, midwives, or childbirth educators.  Many of the techniques I'll be discussing and using can be adapted and used by care providers, friends, husbands or other support people--with the informed consent of their clients, of course.

Techniques aside, however, this course is about a more all-encompassing philosophy:  a new-paradigm outlook of what birth is, what it means to us as women and as human beings, of what our bodies are really capable of, and of how our thoughts and beliefs can shape our birth experience.

“When you change the way you view birth, the way you birth will change.” ~Marie Mongan

Are husbands invited to attend the classes?  At this time, the Birth Empowerment course is going to be held as a women-only group, to assure smooth flow and intimacy between us, and to facilitate connection to each other, instead of our partners.  While I don't want to minimize the role of a dedicated partner at all--I feel that part of going through the birthing experience includes a woman's coming to the understanding that this is not something that can be delegated or experienced "with" anyone else.  

Ultimately, your birth experience is your own.  No matter how well-connected or supported you are, no one else will truly be able to tap into your psyche and feel your feelings, know your body, or understand the intricacies of your experience, moment-by-moment.  Birth Empowerment is not about coping with labor, it's about experiencing it with eyes wide open.  It's a very personal, unique inner journey, known and knowable only to yourSelf.  

Several of the more hands-on techniques we learn in the course will be helpful to discuss and practice with your partner.  I will provide handouts and other materials, so that you can work together at home.  It's important not to get too caught up in the specific details with may of the activities--the only wrong way to do them is to not do them.  

What are your qualifications?  Are you trained as a doula or midwife?  At this point, I am not certified as a professional doula or midwife.  However, I feel that this is actually beneficial, because it allows me to bring a diverse and thorough set of concepts to my course.  Training and certification in a particular tradition (as a doula, for instance) tends to limit the things you can discuss or promote, because you must then stick to the "party line" and are less free to share your own ideas, feelings, or other concepts that might go against their version of what's "best".  Just look up the Bradley/Brio childbirth educator debate to get a feel for what I'm talking about.  

I make no false promises or claims; I am simply passionate about birth as a rite of passage and fulfilling, peak experience of womanhood--and I am driven to share my experiences and knowledge because I genuinely want to see birth embraced in our culture instead of feared and discounted.  

My credentials are in the form of results.  

Meditation?  Energy work?  Does any of this have to do with religion?  My Birth Empowerment course--as well as my overall paradigm and worldview--alludes to concepts that can be called spiritual, but not religious--simple, universal concepts such as love, oneness, and kindness.  I honor all religious paths, and nothing in my course or materials should go against anyone's religious teaching of choice.  

I cannot promise that I won't offend someone, somehow, but of course that all comes down to choices.  My actions and words are never executed with harmful or negative intent, but your belief about who I am and what I stand for will, naturally, color your perception of me as well as my intentions.  

Love is my religion.  I believe that resonates with everyone on some level.

I'm wishing you a beautiful, empowered birth!


Love, 
Krystal


Ready to sign up for my Birth Empowerment course??  

Yes!  I'm ready!   

Even now, I feel vulnerable admitting that. It's not acceptable in our culture for a pregnant mama to say that she's depressed. Shouldn't she be happy, joyous, full of gratitude and excitement for the new life she's co-creating? (Here we go with the "should"s again!) Well, sure--but it's not always as simple as that. 

During pregnancy I really disliked the way I felt. Logically, I knew how I wanted to feel, or how I meant to feel. I was also acutely aware of how society expected me to feel. But the "feeling" part just didn't come naturally for some reason. I could identify my negative thought patterns, but I couldn't stop their steady flow; I couldn't discover the source.

At least by the time I was having my fifth baby, I was aware enough of pregnancy's unkind effect on me to be able to step back and know that once I had given birth, I'd feel like myself again. That once I gave birth I'd be overjoyed to be a new mother again. I realized that for me, postpartum depression was rather less of a risk than what I was going through during my pregnancy.

It finally occurred to me that there must be other women who experience pregnancy this way. I also realized that lots of women don't have the perspective that being pregnant five times brings, however. 

For me, the answer was Bach Flower Essences. I did not have much access to therapy, chiropractic, or other forms of support, but my growing knowledge of Bach essences proved to be invaluable. I tweaked and re-adjusted my chosen combination of remedies several times over the course of my last pregnancy, and I absolutely believe that's what kept me feeling sane. 

Directly after the birth, I was euphoric. I chalked that up to the post-birth "high"--the unimpeded rush of endorphins and oxytocin (the love hormone) that a natural, empowered childbirth brings. In the space of a week, however, I still felt as if I was on top of the world compared to the last 9+ months--it was a drastic internal shift for me. 

In my case, my own fears and insecurities are likely what brought about or exacerbated my depression. Hormonal shifts can magnify little problems for many women (PMS, anyone??). 

Looking back, I know that I had prenatal depression to some extent during all my pregnancies, and it was a source of deep shame for me.

"Who feels like this when they're so fortunate? What's wrong with me?"

I think it's worth noting that the pregnancies I struggled the most with were also the pregnancies where I had the most trouble taking care of my own needs--getting good nutrition, the need for rest and sleep, etc. 

So what to do if you suspect you are suffering from prenatal depression? Talk to someone. Stay in touch and authentic with your feelings. Confide in your midwife or doula, friends or partner. Know that there's always a light ahead.

Make yourSelf a priority. A lack of time for yourSelf is really a lack of prioritizing yourSelf over other things. If you're checking your email more than twice per day, you've got time for a ten-minute centering meditation. 

Look into holistic therspies like the Bach Flower remedies, massage, chiropractic, acupuncture, Reiki, etc. Holistic therapies consider the whole person--mind, body, spirit--and are especially helpful in resolving emotional issues. 

Educate yourself about depression--and take measures to make sure you're adequately supported after you give birth as well. For me, that meant having my husband at home with us for the first two weeks, and encapsulating my placenta. Placenta pills help prevent postpartum depression, increase your milk supply, and can help allieviate bleeding issues. They are almost like magic--definitely worth looking into! (try http://www.placentabenefits.info)

If you're pregnant and struggling right now, my heart goes out to you. I urge you to seek out the help you need and deserve, for yourSelf and for your sweet baby.

In love and light,

--Krystal